That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
