She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
