What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
