So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i drank out of a bidet.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
