Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
