I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
