I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
