Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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