Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
