I love black thongs
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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