I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
