You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
