Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
