Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's blow job season.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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