If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
