hell yes lets make some ravioli
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
