i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
