i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You need Xanax blowdarts
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
