tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
