Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
