dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
