That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
