if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
