so let's talk penis.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
