I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is wine microwaveable?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
