Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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