just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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