God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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