You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
