my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize