Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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