Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
