Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
