then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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