so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
