Just cropdusted the office
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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