so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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