we're chasing vodka with high fives
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
