she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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