I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I need to stop coming to work sober
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
