I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
