Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
