I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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