i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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