Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
