and you said cock pushups were impossible
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
