It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
