I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
