Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
