we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I smell stomach acid.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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