why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i already hear my dad disowning me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
