I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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