Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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