I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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