Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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