my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
