What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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