Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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