So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize