Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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