So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
